just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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