i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
