she woke up with a sticky ear
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
