I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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