when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
