You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
