ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
