when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
