Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
