I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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