the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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