Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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