mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the menβs room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out Iβm married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
