Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize