Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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