Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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