Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
