he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
