Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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