goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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