spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
