Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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