Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
