Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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