During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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