So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
