This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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