he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
