I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
