Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize