Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
