i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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