We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
