i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize