please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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