Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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