I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
