drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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