I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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