so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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