you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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