my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize