My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is her dick bigger than yours?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
