please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
