how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
