Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
