Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
