that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
