This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize