Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
