You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
