I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
