they need to just BURY HIM!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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