I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
