I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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