i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
