Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
