If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
