they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
