I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
