Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
