He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
