I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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