at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
