It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
