My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize