I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
