Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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