Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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