Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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